A Supremely Awful Idea
by Sheeptopus
Summary: Nico approaches Percy for help with asking Thalia out. Percy points out the many, many flaws in that plan. Two-shot. Sorry Thalico fans! Takes place between TLO and TLH. Rated T 'cause I'm paranoid. May be slightly OOC because Nico would never ask Thalia out in the first place. First ever fanfic so please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi there! Thanks a bunch for clicking on this story! It's my first ever fanfic, so be sure to tell me what you think in a REVIEW! That was really subtle, wasn't it? Embrace the sarcasm! Sorry if you ship Thalico, but I just think the pairing is completely unrealistic. Enjoy the story!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned PJO, I think I would die from happiness. And I'm here now, typing this, so I guess that means I don't own it. *heartbroken sobbing***

A Supremely Awful Idea

It was just another normal day at Camp Half-Blood. Kids were fighting in the arena, satyrs were chasing nymphs, and the Aphrodite Cabin had been plotting to get Travis and Katie to admit their undying love for each other since before dawn.

And so it was that Percy Jackson was to be found in the pegasus stables, feeding Blackjack sugar cubes and just generally minding his own business.

_Hey, Boss, _Blackjack said. The pegasus paused in his crunching for a second to glance up at the stable door and frisk his tail uneasily back and forth. _That creepy death kid's here._

Percy looked up and saw that he was right - there was the son of Hades himself. Nico thrust his hands deep into the pockets of his aviator jacket and leaned against the doorframe of the stables, causing Guido to screech in terror and skitter away to the opposite end of his stall, where he continued to beat his wings nervously every few seconds.

"Hey, Nico," Percy figured he might as well start the conversation, because there was no way in Hades Nico had come just to see the pegasi - he looked ready to bolt himself. "What's up?"

The younger demigod cleared his throat awkwardly. "Uh... I... well... um..." he took a deep breath. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure," Percy quickly brushed the remaining crumbs of sugar off his fingers (resulting in an outraged whinny from Blackjack) and followed his sort-of cousin outside. He wasn't sure what to expect as he jogged to catch up. It sounded like Nico had something incredibly important and awkward to discuss with him. He ran several unpleasant scenarios through his head as he walked, each one worse than the last, and found himself getting more tense and worried with each passing second.

Nico could say... _"Okay, well... uh, Percy? It would appear that the Stolls... well, you see... um... they found a ready supply of shaving cream. And uh, your cabin... um, well, it... it kinda looks like a winter wonderland right now."_

Or even worse... _"Oh, man, Percy, I'm really sorry, there was nothing we could do, but, um... well, how it happened was... uh, well it's sorta like this... and, um... Mrs. O'Leary may have eaten your minotaur horn... and then she might've got a little bit of indigestion... so... she kinda went on a rampage, and everyone thought she was an evil hellhound, and... everyone killed her. I'm sorry."_

Or worst of all, it could be... _"Um, well, Percy, not quite sure how to break this to you, but... the last time I went to the underworld, I found your mother there. So, um... yup, she's dead. My condolences."_

They mercifully stopped outside the Hades Cabin before he could imagine Nico telling him that his mother and Annabeth were both terminal and had three days to live, but he was still pretty frantic by then anyway.

"What's going on, di Angelo? Is it anything serious? Please tell me everyone's okay!"

Nico looked at him a little strangely, and said "What? Why wouldn't everyone be okay?"

"Oh, uh, no reason," he covered quickly. "Just tell me what's up."

Nico's look of nervousness returned. "Oh, well, um... it's... I need some advice!"

"What about?"

He took another deep breath. "There's... there's this girl."

Percy raised an eyebrow. "Becoming a ladies' man, eh, Nico?" This had the desired effect. The 'ladies' man' flushed beet red. "Are you sure I'm the best person to talk to in that department?"

"Uh, well, you do have a girlfriend..."

He considered that fact a moment. "This is true. _And _she's the hottest girl at camp, so I must know _something_. Who is the lucky maiden who has captured your heart, valiant knight?"

Nico muttered something unintelligible, eyes fixed firmly on the ground.

"You'll have to speak up, you know."

"Thalia. It's Thalia. I want to ask her out, but I'm not sure how! Um, why are you staring at me? Is there something on my face?"

**A/N: And there we have part 1 of 2! I'll get the second part up at soon as it's written, which, depending on the feedback I get from this, will either be really soon, fairly soon, in a while, or never. So PLEASE REVIEW! I'm just a first-timer! Like it? Love it? Hate it? TELL ME IN A REVIEW. PLEASE! Coming up is Percy pointing out the many, many flaws in Nico's plan. Silly little Nico!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Salutations! I'm back again with Part 2! Shoutout to MyNameIsAwesome for, well, being awesome (and really enthusiastic). Thanks to my reviewers**

**MyNameIsAwesome (ha, you get a double mention)**

**blackandwhitephotos**

**Daughter of Wisdom and Music **

**and also a Guest, though I don't think their review showed up on the review page.**

**Hopefully you guys will be 4 of many, many reviewers... yes, readers, I'm looking at you.**

**Disclaimer: I am not Rick Riordan. It would be quite cool if I was, though. I'd have all that epic writing skill... plus, I'd be rich. But the Fates have decreed that I be a Sheeptopus-owning fangirl instead (if you don't know what I'm talking about, look at my profile). So no, I don't own PJO.**

A Supremely Awful Idea

Part 2

Once he got over the shock, Percy's first instinct was to laugh. "Good one, dude. For a minute there I thought you were serious!"

For a second, Nico looked remarkably like a kicked puppy. Then the kicked puppy look was replaced with one of righteous anger. "What are you talking about? Of course I'm serious! Why wouldn't I be?"

Percy's eyes widened. "_Di immortales... _you actually mean it! Okay, forget 'are you serious' - are you _insane_? _Thalia? NO. _That is a _terrible _idea! There are so many things wrong with it, I don't even know where to begin!"

Nico looked affronted. "I don't see what's so _wrong _about it! I'm a boy, and she's a girl! I like her, Percy! And I'm pretty sure she likes me too!"

"Holy Poseidon... what on _earth_ gave you that idea?"

The son of Hades started turning red again. "Um, well, the last time the Hunters visited, she said hi to me... and she didn't break all my fingers in Capture the Flag like she did the last time!"

Percy put his head in his hands and sighed. He might be here for a while... "Nico, Nico, Nico. She only broke your fingers by accident. And she may not have broken your fingers recently, but she did electrocute you!"

"Maybe so, but she still said hi to me!"

Just then, Clarisse walked by with a grunt and a nod. "Hey Death Boy. Prissy. Remember, punk, I am going to run you through with Maimer on Friday."

"Prissy" rolled his eyes. "Oh, the terrifying might of Lamer. I cower where I stand."

Clarisse made a low growl, and with a threatening glare and a mutter of "It's MAIMER. MAIMER!" she continued on her way to the arena.

"Nico. Clarisse just said hi to you. Does that mean she is madly in love with you?"

Nico looked faintly disgusted. "Cl-Clarisse? She'd sooner kill me than go out with me. And I'd sooner kill myself than go out with her!"

"My point exactly. Just because a girl says hi to you, it doesn't mean she wants to go out with you. And that's only the tip of the iceberg of 'Reasons Why Thalia Will Never Go Out With Nico'."

"Well? Why don't you enlighten me?"

"Fine! First of all, there's the _massive age difference_. If Thalia hadn't been turned into a tree, she'd be in her twenties by now! But as it is, she is fifteen forever. Forever. Got that? And if you hadn't gone to the Lotus Hotel and Casino, you would be a really old man now, if you were even still alive, what with your Big Three aura and everything. As it is, you're only twelve or thirteen! So, even just going with that, this hypothetical relationship wouldn't work."

"That's not fair! Those circumstances were beyond our control!" Nico argued.

"If they hadn't happened, it would be a really old man going out with a woman in her twenties, and let's face it, Nico, you're not rich enough to get away with that." Percy shot back.

"Touché."

"But the obvious, main reason, the be-all-and-end-all of why this relationship definitely _wouldn't work_, is that _Thalia is a Hunter of Artemis_. Heck, she's the _Lieutenant of Artemis_. She has sworn off boys. _Forever_. Sworn off dating. _Forever_. She literally _cannot_ go out with you, Nico, even if she wants to. And unfortunately, if you try to ask her out, she, and all the rest of the Hunters, will beat you up. And Artemis will probably turn you into a jackalope. All in all, if you ask her out, you will come away as a severely wounded jackalope. Is that what you want?"

Nico floundered, trying to come up with the right words. "I... well... um... when you put it like that... I suppose..."

"Are you going to ask her out or not?"

"I... "

"Nico. Jackalopes. Yes, or no?"

He deflated. "No."

"Do we agree never to speak of this encounter again?"

"Definitely."

"Alright then. Nice talking to you."

"Yeah... see you..."

When Percy got back to the stables, he rested his head against the wall of Blackjack's stall and closed his eyes. He wasn't sure he had ever talked that much in one go in his whole life. He was pretty worn out after that, to tell the truth. Maybe he would take a nap... No. He stopped himself from nodding off. Stupid Curse of Achilles.

_Yo, Boss, _said Blackjack, just as the conch horn for dinner sounded. _What did the creepy kid wanna talk about?_

"Jackalopes," replied Percy with a smile, and, leaving a very confused pegasus in his wake, answered the call of his stomach.

**A/N: Sorry if the ending's kind of abrupt. I couldn't think of a better way to end it. Oh, well. Again, sorry if you ship Thalico (and if you do then why on earth are you reading this fic?), but I seriously think that Thalico is just people finding two fairly important characters who don't happen to be in a relationship and putting them together to tie up loose ends, without any thought into if it is even remotely plausible (which Thalico isn't). Hope you enjoyed it, and PLEASE REVIEW. Thanks for reading!**


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